Tell a Secret, Get the Guy?
by telling vicious secrets
Summary: Dan and Phil one shot about keeping secrets and unrequited love. My first fanfic so be nice and give me constructive criticism? I love writing and I'd love to get better. Enjoy!


**A/N** \- This is not a fanfic for a movie or a book, it is a fanfic about my two favorite YouTubers, Dan and Phil. I don't know what categorie to put it under so if someone could tell me it would be great, thanks. This is my first phanfic, so maybe be nice? It was a ton of fun to write so….

 **Rating** : T

 **Warnings** : Angsty, Unrequited love (we'll see if that's throughout the whole fic, won't we ;)

 **Length** : One-shot, a little over 2k words

 **-Phil's Pov-**

I have known Dan for seven years and lived with him for five. That's how long I have been pathetic enough to not tell him that I have feelings for him. That's how long I've had to be 'just friends' with him. How long I've had to see him come out of the shower in just a towel (which is practically every day and I don't know how much more of it I can take), or lay a blanket over him when he falls asleep on the couch after being on tumblr for too long (which, once again, has happened many times. Not that I'm complaining), and (probably the worst for my self-control) when, after a particularly bad day, I have to comfort him and hold him as he rants and cries about existentialism and not being good enough. It's those days that I want to lift his head up, tell him he is beautiful and he does have a purpose in life and he is perfect for me and kiss him full on the lips and confess my love for him. Now you may ask yourself why I haven't told him any of this yet. It all started back in May.

 **-MAY-**

I'm watching anime late at night when I hear Dan come home (it's the third time he has been out late without telling me where he was going). He simply says, "Hey Phil," and keeps walking to his room. By now I've had it with all of his secrecy and I intercept him,

"Dan, where have you been these last three nights." I say.

"I've been out, Phil it's not like we always need to be joined at the hip, no wonder all of our fans are shipping us all the time." Dan answers. I can immediately tell that he's hiding something, as he is not normally this irritable. I can't help but counter with,

"Well you might not remember, Dan, but we used to be joined at the hip so I can't help but be worried by your irregular actions."

"Well it's none of your business anyway." Dan says while he reaches for his door, quickly opening it, slipping into his room and locking the door before I can even react. I can't help but be astonished by how childish he is being. I really don't know whether to try and get him to open the door or to just give up and walk away. In the end, I give up and go to bed.

At 3:00am I can hear him pacing. I want to not care and be mad at him but I can't. I physically cannot stay mad at him. I guess when all of the fans say that I'm too precious to get mad at anything, they're half right. It's not always a good thing, as sometimes I don't know when to leave someone alone. Tonight is one of those times. I push my comforter back and leave my room to stand by his door. I don't know how long I stand there, with him pacing at the other side of the door. Eventually I summon enough courage to try the door handle. I don't know whether to be relieved or even more nervous when I realize it's unlocked. I slowly push open the door. He freezes and tenses up when he sees me, but his startled expression is not enough to hide the fact that he is clearly upset about something.

"Do you want to talk about it?" is all I have to say for him to say a phrase I never thought would leave his lips.

"I met someone," he says. I just stand there startled for a few moments before I have to sit down on his bed. Even after I sit down I still haven't fully processed what he said.

"Y-you met someone?" I stutter, "but when, and how, and why?".

"I've known him over the internet for a year now," he says, "just this week he drove to London to see me."

"So you've been sneaking out every night for the past three nights to see him and you didn't tell me anything?" At this point I am aware of how accusatory my tone might seem.

"I felt like you'd get jealous or something." Dan replies. I am jealous, extremely jealous in fact, but not in any way Dan could ever imagine. Just the idea of someone getting to be Dan's boyfriend that's not me gets me mad. I get that this is extremely unreasonable, due to the fact that I have never actually told Dan how I feel about him, but that doesn't exactly stop me from getting upset. I guess I just always hoped that Dan secretly loved me back, but alas, life is not as perfect as fanfiction authors make it appear. I don't tell Dan any of this, of course, so in spirit of staying in character, I respond,

"Well as long as he doesn't steal you away from me for too much time," attempting to make a joke even though it feels as if the ground is swallowing me up and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry. I don't do that, though, because if Dan is happy, I'm happy, no matter how cheesy that sounds. If Dan ever moves out I don't know what I'll do with myself but I can't ever let him feel guilty for finding happiness. I get up and go to my room, leaving the conversation alone before I say something I'll regret later.

Yesterday I decided that as long as I don't have to meet Dan's new boyfriend I'll be fine. I can just pretend not to notice when he sneaks out and doesn't come back till two in the morning. That's the key, pretending. As far as Dan knows, after me apologizing to him this morning for overreacting, we are back on track, and I intend to keep him thinking that. I can fake a smile and keep Dan and our fans thinking that everything is normal and that I am just as much of a "sunshine" as I've always been. I've gotten pretty good at pretending after seven years of being in love with Dan and not telling him. It gets tedious from time to time and this is just one of those times. At least that's what I keep repeating to myself as Dan doesn't stop talking about his "perfect" boyfriend for the next month. That's another problem, everything I hear about Dan's boyfriend is that he's so wonderful. Even after he leaves London, Dan continues to go on and on. I don't know how much longer I can stand it.

So yeah, that's how I got to the point where I am so deep into pretending to be the supportive best friend that I almost forgot about my own feelings. At first I was fine with this because it's almost better to forget about myself. At first I thought forgetting would make me feel less miserable. I have come to a conclusion, though. I am done being the "innocent" one. The next chance I get, I am going to tell Dan how I feel. I don't know if it will change anything, but I know that it will make me feel better if I let him know. And maybe a little, tiny bit of it might have something to do with me not wanting to have to hear about the all of the amazing things "Mr. Wonderful" has done this week.

That "next chance I get" came a lot faster than I was expecting and I'm not sure if I am ready yet, honestly. You see Dan and I were eating dinner and watching anime (as we do) and he kept complaining about his neck hurting.

"Well if you stay in that sofa crease 24/7 you can't exactly complain about having neck problems," I tease.

"My issue is not the knot in my neck, it's how sensitive my neck is." Dan says, "I can't go get a neck massage because I'll probably end up punching whoever is doing the massage just because I can't handle anyone touching my neck in a nonsexual way." He flips himself onto his stomach, resting his head on his arms. This is my chance, I know it, but I am so damn pathetic that even this is hard for me but then I tell myself that nothing is ever going to go anywhere if I don't take a chance. I take a leap and,

"I could give you a neck massage." There, I said it. He replies with a,

"Hell no." After five more minutes of him groaning about his neck he says,

"Alright, fine but only because my neck hurts like hell and I'm going to hold my breath the whole time." He then drops his head back onto his hands and dramatically takes a deep breath as an indication that I can begin. I take about two minutes to debate whether or not to get in a more comfortable position, which would most likely be sitting on the small of his back, and I don't think we're at the level yet, no matter how many nights I've held him while he cried. So I stay sitting on the edge of the couch awkwardly reaching around his neck. The moment my fingers touch the base of his neck he tenses up and his breath hitches in the cutest way ever. After a little bit of rubbing his neck, I get an idea. I don't know if I'm brave enough to do it, though. After five more minutes of stalling and listening to his breathy moans that I don't think he knows I can hear, I finally work up the courage to lean down and place a quick chaste kiss on his neck. I can see his entire body tense up and he sucks in a really quick breath. I feel like that is a good thing so this boosts my confidence, but I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage of him so I lean down and whisper in his ear,

"Was that a good shudder or a bad shudder?"

"Definitely a good shudder," he responds, "but wha-"Before he can finish his sentence, I lean in and place another kiss on his neck, this time a little bit closer to the left, turning his head towards me as I go. I keep kissing his neck and turning his head until I reach the very corner of his jawline. This is it, there is no going back now. I take a deep breath, and continue up his face. By the time I reach his right cheek bone, I think he has some sort of idea of what I am doing, but he isn't resisting and he seems to be enjoying it, so I carry on. And then, all of a sudden, time appears to slow down and there I am, the corner of his mouth, millimeters away from those luscious lips I've wanted to kiss every waking hour of the past seven years, and up until now, I have repressed that feeling, but this time I let go. I lean in and brush my lips against his, still giving him a chance to reject me. Then something unexpected happens. Dan leans up and captures my lips with his own, engulfing me in the marvelous sensation of actually kissing the one man I've always loved. When we finally break apart, my lips twist into a smile.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that." I say.

"Oh I do," he replies.

"How?" I stupidly ask

"Because I've wanted to do it just as long as you have." Dan cheekily replies.

"Oh god, this is quickly turning into a very cheesy conversation, and you know how much I don't like cheese." I counter

"Hey! You're the one that sat on me and started making out with my neck, not the other way around!" he exclaims. This earns him a jab in the side. And the following comment from me,

"I hate you so much."

"But you love me," he quickly replies.

"You know what, you're right."

And with that, I lean in and kiss him again.

-Bonus-

I tear myself away from Dan to say,

"Oh, yeah, what's gonna happen with Mr. Wonderful?" His only reply was,

"Compared to you, I never really liked him all that much anyway."

 **-The End-**

 **A/N- So this was cheesy af but it was fun to write so…. ;)**


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